Part 8: I'll Buy it at a High Price

Welcome back. When last we left our hero had been defeated by an avid Packer's fan and was being carried off into captivity. What fate will befall Mr. Kennedy at the hands of this mysterious group? Let's find out...

An unknown robed figure walls to a still unconscious Leon and sticks a needle in his neck

"Guys, I'm so high right now, you don't even know."

The mysterious men proceed to inject Leon with what appears to be grape Kool-Aid and a loogie.

Leon wakes up with the look of a man who realized he just boned a hambeast.

"Hey, where the fuck is my jacket?"

My head automatically reads this in the voice of Alpha from Power Rangers during the filming of a cheap rent porn flick and it is fucked.

We're tied up in a dark room. What do you want out of me?

If we aren't in Spain, then I say we just call it Sapin. Ace Combat will fix this plot anomaly. Let us not speak of it again.

I think priority one would be to get unbound before we go back to detective work, ace.

One of the Hot Cops maybe. Not a real one.

Not like there's a bunch of mindless goons wandering about mumbling to themselves that could have let it slip. Oh, wait...

Things just got interesting.

Dick!

Outside, a blood covered Ganado dragging a battleaxe stalks toward where the two are being kept

"Bust into my house? Shoot me in the ear? Go through my valuable human skull collection? Bust my upstairs window? This will not stand, good sir. This will not stand."

Resident Evil is to law enforcement as Half-Life is to people with a PhD.

All the girls go wild for the guys tied ass-to-ass with other men.

That and a sexual harassment suit.

Leon likes to fudge the actual length of duty on his résumé. How are they going to check-up on it? Contact the smoldering remains of Raccoon City?

By referring to Ada's game, we already know Luis is full of shit. But, you think he could cover his tracks a wee bit more. A police department has a sample of a virus that caused an entire city to get nuked just on hand for people to fiddle about with? Come on, man.

Their sweet buddy talk moment is cut short by the fellow with the battleaxe.

"Alright, minions. I want you to tie-up both the prisoners on the other side of town. No, don't bother with taking their equipment. We don't have time for that. Though, that is a damn fine jacket he's wearing there. Take that. Anywho, I'm going to stroll down there and we'll inject the new guy with our little cocktail. After that, leave them alone for a while then send Harold over to finish them off. A gun? No no no. Get the battleaxe from the shed."
"Boss, what's the point of injecting anything into them if you're just going to send Harold to kill them in twenty minutes? Why don't we just kill them right here and now while they're still unconscious? Here, give me a knife. I'll do it."
"I'm in charge and we do things my way!"

Not the time for snide replies, Leon.

"Now? Now what?! We didn't discuss any now!"

"When he comes down with the axe, pull apart and hope he hits the ropes."
"Your plan hinges on the guy swinging his axe exactly vertically between the two of us?"
"Yes."
"Shit..."

The plan is now discussed and succeeds somehow. Leon and Luis roll away to safety.

Axeman isn't out of the game yet.

Unfortunately for him, he apparently weights as much as a super model and Leon has feet that can make heads explode.

The outcome is about as well as one can expect from such a meeting.

Luis does the honorable thing and runs like a little bitch.

Leaving Leon alone to thank Xenu he's up against such cartoonishly incompetent foes.

Leon decides to give the ever useful Hunnigan a call

Oh, Leon. You card.

It could be anywhere. Not like it's visible from town and all the Ganado shuffled off toward the sound of the very loud bell coming from it or anything.

Escape, run screaming and crying. Something like that.

*rouses from sleep* Sorry, compelling dialogue had me captivated into a daze.

Leon exits the room he was held captive in. Though, he is soon confronted by a wily fellow with a most eccentric accent.

Leon cautiously follows him around the back of the house.

That bandana is hiding a rape face like you wouldn't believe.

Meet the Merchant. He's armed to the gills, has more money than god, and just is an avid gun collector. He also likes a good chuckle. (see below for further on this crazy fun time guy.)

Goods in hand and newly rearmed as well as equipped with a vague lead on the President's daughter's location, Leon marches on to avenge his lost jacket. Tune in next time for Episode IX: Full Leon Jacket.

Bonus Content: Merchant 101

I'm now going to go over weapons and upgrades for the uninitiated. This is technical stuff and if you've played the game, just glaze over it and see you next update. If you don't care, just skip it too. If you have anything to add, step right up.

From the merchants, you can sell assorted treasure you find scattered about, purchase new weapons and supplies, and upgrade your existing weaponry. The further in the game, more upgrades and weapons will become available.

This is what the fellow has in stock. The only thing worth purchasing at this point is the Attaché Case (M), as it gives you more space in your inventory. Something you can never have enough of. You'll get several more inventory upgrades throughout the game and for the most part, you should be purchasing them as soon as they come up. All the weapons and ammo in the world are useless if you can't fit them in your case.

The Handgun and Shotgun we already have. I'm also purchasing the sniper rifle. Not because I need it. Just because I like the slick bolt action feel of it and can do some target practice in a bit. Realistically, the rifle won't be particularly useful until about mid-game. But, purchasing a weapon seems to make its ammo spawn more often, so there you have it.

The TMP is the only sort of rapid fire weapon the game offers. It is also, the game's equivalent of the Klobb of Goldeneye fame. It does piss poor damage, has little in the way of ammunition, and is only good for stunning enemies in order to do special attacks. It also takes up a shit load of space and requires a stock to be accurate. We will not be touching it at any point.

The Rocket Launcher is for pussies. As is the First Aid Spray, as you'll have more than enough healing items and will never need anything more unless you really suck.

The rifle scope is the most useless item in the game as far as attachments go. The normal rifle is already equipped with a scope of mid-range. The scope attachment gives you zoom for a very long range. The thing is, you will never be in a situation requiring such long range rifle action. Save your space for something else.

You can also upgrade your weapons in firepower, firing speed, reload speed (I have no idea how that works), and capacity (ammo limit.)

Firepower should always be a priority. Less bullets for more work is always a good system to have. The exception is the rifles, in which case after a point you'll be one hitting any standard enemies and you'll seldom be using a rifle against any bosses.

Barring firepower, you should be looking at ammo capacity. More rounds in your magazine means less need to reload and an easy time getting the job done. A simple concept. This is especially so for rifles, as even upgraded, their reload time can get you killed.

Firing speed is useful for the slower weapons, like the rifles and shotguns, which have a long lag time between shots. Not so much on handguns and later magnums, as in both cases, you're going to check your fire for weak points. There are exceptions, but I'll get to that when it comes up.

Reload speed is pretty much a preference thing. It's fairly essential for the rifles, as stated their load times are fairly abysmal even upgraded. But most pistols, shotguns, and the like are fairly adequate as is.

Lastly, once your weapon is fully upgraded, which will not happen until the third act, you'll gain access to a (rather pricy) exclusive for most weapons. For the weapons currently available, that means:

Handgun - Critical Headshots (read exploding heads) 5x more likely
Shotgun - Damage not reduced with distance (read: long range shotgun)
Rifle - Damage increased to 18.0 (30.0 in some versions)
TMP - Increase firepower to 1.8 (which is still less firepower than the fully upgraded version of the weakest handgun in the game.)

As for what we have at this point? Don't touch a thing. You'll be given a free handgun which trumps what you have now not too long from now and far better ones come along later than either of the two. The vanilla shotgun you have no will suffice until (much) better ones come along later. The rifle you can start upgrading if you've bothered to buy it at this point, but you can probably hold off without one until the better semi-automatic rifle becomes available later on. I'm just a sucker for bolt action goodness.

Additional Content

Video
Merchant it up a notch.